


The Accident

by Pineprin137



Series: Mated [8]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anger, Baseball, Buzzed Driving, Car Accidents, Celebrations, Coma, Drinking, Emotional Hurt, Family Feels, Feels, Heavy Angst, Minor Character Death, Omega Jensen, Panic Attacks, Reckless Driving, Survivor Guilt, Temporary Amnesia, Vomiting, World Series, progress - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-12-27 05:47:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineprin137/pseuds/Pineprin137
Summary: The day his team won a spot in the World Series was supposed to be one of the happiest days of Jensen's life...





	1. World Series or Bust

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, the beginning. Chapter 1 is the day before and of the accident, Chapter 2 is Jensen's recovery. All takes place before he meets Jared.

Jensen tosses his head back and swallows the shot of tequila then shows the crowd his tongue. He only has five shot glasses remaining and the other guy still struggles with his third. It will be a clean sweep tonight. 

Diego slaps him on the back as he empties the last glass, “Ackles! You killed him!” 

“He should’ve known better than to challenge you!” Mikey pounds his fist and then bumps him in the shoulder. 

“Damn, man, you showed that punkass  _ no _ mercy!” 

The pitcher accepts congratulations from his teammates and then walks onto the dancefloor. Jensen doesn’t know the song, and he couldn't care less. The tipsy omega lets the music flow through him and catches the eye of one of the alphas watching him. He probably smells delicious right now, all covered in sweat and Diego’s spilled beer. Jensen smirks at the guy and trails a hand slowly down his chest. The alpha grins, thinking he won his prize and starts walking towards Jensen. The omega bends low and licks his lips teasing the arrogant jackass before rising and flipping him off. He turns his back on the alpha and slings his arm around Derrick’s shoulders. 

“ _ Alphas _ , man! They think they can have whatever they want whenever the fuck they want just because their genes are  _ slightly _ superior to ours!”

Derrick’s used to the pitcher's drunken ramblings and holds him up with a smile on his face. He clinks his beer on the side of Jensen’s head, “I’ll cheers to that!” 

A few hours and two clubs later, Jensen is one of the last still standing. He feels suitably drunk and starts searching for a little one-on-one to end his evening. He surveys the floor from his spot at the bar and sighs. “ _ Alpha. Alpha. Dick. Alpha. Omega…” _

None are what he’s looking for. As an unattached omega, he avoids alphas and can’t  _ stand _ wimpy omegas. Jensen is an unusual omega, he knows what he likes and he doesn’t want  _ anyone _ telling him what to do. He has zero desire to be chained to a chauvinistic alpha male for the rest of his life. 

“So, how’s it looking?” Paul slides up next to him and asks. Jensen is surprised to see the catcher still hanging around. 

He sighs dramatically, playing it up for his teammate, “Chances are low. Bunch of stuffed egos, couple of desperate mommy wannabes. How ‘bout you?”

“Sexy redhead. Three o-clock. Little clingy though,” the man grins mischievously, “  _ definitely mated _ .” 

The omega turns to him with an eyebrow cocked, “Are you  _ actually _ thinking about tapping that? You want some alpha on your ass?” 

Paul laughs as he finishes his drink, “Hell no, but I can enjoy the view.” Jensen smiles. 

His teammate leaves twenty minutes later,  _ with the company of a small petite blonde _ , and now Jensen is riding solo. He’s getting ready to call it quits, his watch reads 1:23. He leans back with his elbows on the bar and watches the crowd thin, mates returning to their homes, singles pairing off. There is a heady mix of scents in the air and Jensen can pick out each and every alpha in the room with his eyes closed. The robust woodsy aroma beckons to his instincts, begging him to cut the shit and just mate already. 

“Looks like you might be going home alone tonight.” 

The omega turns his head towards the bartender and gives a half-hearted snort, “Yeah, looks like.” 

He’d been flirting with the guy all night, mostly to get free booze. But Mr. Neck Tattoo looks a helluva lot more appealing now that the options have dwindled. Jensen runs through the guy’s stats in his head. _Beta. Tall._ _Tattoos on his forearms as well as the long one on his neck. Unmated. Dark hair and dark eyes. Definitely wants himself a slice of hot omega._ Jensen sees potential in the cute beta and is just drunk enough to throw caution to the wind. _Time to put on a show..._

The omega leans forward over the counter and touches the guy’s arm, tracing the ink with his finger. He looks up through his eyelashes and gives a shy half-smile. The beta grins and walks around the counter so he stands directly in front of Jensen. 

He places one hand on either side of the pitcher’s hips, leans close and whispers “How about you come home with me, hm?” 

Jensen laughs playfully, “I don’t know if you can handle all this…” he steps forward so their bodies are flush.

The guy blushes deeply even as his eyes glimmer with desire, “Why don’t we find out?” 

***

Jensen rolls over and places a hand over his sensitive eyes. The bartender snores next to him and the omega rolls his eyes.  _ Ow, fuck. Bad idea.  _ He sits up and swings his feet over the edge of the bed, allowing his equilibrium a moment to adjust before he walks into the bathroom. He quickly pisses and then walks over to the sink, yawning. He washes his hands and splashes his face with cool water, grimacing at the bloodshot eyes in his blurry reflection. He unlatches the cabinet hanging on the wall by the light switch and roots around in the beta’s medicine cupboard until he unearths a bottle of painkillers. Jensen pops four tablets dry and then returns to the bedroom. 

Neck Tattoo is still out so he pulls his jeans on and slips his t-shirt over his head after digging them out from under the bed.  _ How the hell did they get there…? _ He grabs his shoes and picks up his jacket off the couch and then lets himself out. Once he is outside, he pauses to put on his shoes and slide his muscled arms into the worn sleeves of his tan leather jacket. The omega checks his pockets to make sure everything is in place.  _ Keys. Phone. Wallet. Thank fuck the guy wasn’t one of those shady types.  _

Once Jensen confirms he still has all of his belongings, he turns on the GPS to figure out where the fuck he is and calls a cab. It is already almost noon so he forgoes stopping by his apartment and instead heads straight to practice before the game tonight. 

“Ackles! Glad you decided to join us this fine morn--” Coach checks his watch and frowns at his starting pitcher, “afternoon.” 

Jensen laughs as he walks over to his locker, “Doesn’t look like I missed anything important. Hell, I was just following your advice, Coach.” 

The balding man scratches his head in confusion, “ _ My _ advice?”

“Yup, best advice I’ve ever gotten!” The omega hides his smile as he digs through his gear. He imitates the man’s voice, “ _ Never forget, Ace. The fans pay to watch us play, so keep ‘em happy!”  _

Paul chuckles from his spot beside Jensen on the bench and Coach gives him a stern look. Jensen dons a serious face. “It’s hard work keeping ‘em happy.” 

The omega winks as his teammates holler and high five him. Coach berates them and reminds them to hurry their asses up before storming off towards the diamond.

After most of the team dissipates, the omega sits on the bench and hunches forward, yawning and scratching the stubble on his jaw. Coach will throw a fit if any of his players aren’t clean-shaven by tonight and Jensen figures he could use a quick shower anyway. He grabs his shower gear from his locker, walks over to the showers. He turns the water on and steps into the lukewarm spray. After rinsing away the reminders of last night, he soaps up. 

He casts one look over his shoulder to make sure he is alone then braces himself with one hand against the wall so he can stroke his cock with the other. It doesn’t take long for the omega to cum, Neck Tattoo was eager, but inexperienced and didn’t push the right buttons. Jensen bites down on his arm to silence his groan as his dick oozes creamy jizz over his fist. He washes away the evidence before shaving and then getting out. 

Jensen pulls on his sweats adorned with the team logo and then walks over to the toilets. He latches the door on the largest stall and then bends over the toilet bowl.  _ Should’ve done this in the fucking shower…  _ The omega takes a calming breath and then slides two fingers into his mouth. It takes three tries before the alcohol from last night comes up. He coughs hard and spits, then does it again. Unfortunately, once Jensen convinces his body to purge, it is hard to make it stop so pretty soon he pukes up last night’s spaghetti dinner too. The acidity of tomato sauce combined with the harsh burn of tequila sucks, but at least now he won’t have to worry about tossing his cookies during practice. He stands up and flushes then grabs some toilet paper so he can blow his nose. When he’s finished, the only clue remaining is a slightly sour smell in the air. 

At the sink, Paul joins him. The catcher dons his best bitchface and waits until Jensen is done brushing his teeth to comment. 

“Really, dude? Again? Why the hell do you put yourself through that?” 

Jensen glares at him, “Fuck off, Pauly. You _ know _ why.” 

“It can’t be good for you, man. Forcing yourself to do that…” Paul crosses his arms and leans against the other sink. 

Jensen rolls his eyes and pushes past him. “Thanks,  _ Mom _ . I’ll keep that in mind.” 

He puts on his raglan tee and sits to lace his shoes. The catcher follows and grabs his practice glove and sweatshirt. Just before Jensen shuts his locker, he catches sight of the pack of Marlboros. He stares longingly, then sighs, and pops a piece of nicotine gum in his mouth. 

“Holy shit, Ace. Never thought I’d see the day that you gave it up…” Paul says, surprised.

The irritated omega huffs, “Yeah, well, until my family leaves town I have to play nice. As soon as they’re gone, I’m going to sit and smoke an entire fucking pack just ‘cause I can.” His teammate laughs and Jensen rolls his eyes, “Are you done being my mother? I’d like to throw the fucking ball.” 

The catcher holds his hands up in defeat, “Alright, alright. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” 

They join the rest of the team and listen to Richie babble about his newborn daughter while they stretch out sore, overused muscles. Jensen blocks their voices out as he shakes out his hands and loosens up his shoulder. He jogs in place, rolling his neck to get out the kinks from sleeping on the bartender’s awful mattress. 

During practice, the pitcher starts out in his sneakers and only switches to his cleats later on so he doesn’t have any extra gear to put on, unlike Paul. Jensen waits impatiently while the catcher gets ready. Diego and Mikey loudly announce their heading out for a smoke break and the omega chews his gum a little faster, chomping on it with unnecessary force. The major withdrawal symptoms thankfully dissipated about three days ago so now Jensen is just bitchy because of his family, not because he wants a smoke. 

After practice, the team has a two-hour break before their game so Jensen heads to his apartment. Luckily, he convinced his family that his place is only big enough for one of them to crash with him while they are in town so his brother Josh is the only one he has to tolerate on a daily basis. Josh is watching TV when he gets home so the omega grabs a bottle of water _ , no beer before a game! _ and joins his brother on the leather couch. 

He manages an hour-long nap before Josh wakes him up to get ready. Jensen grabs his bag from his bedroom and then sneakily snags the sandwich Josh just finished making. 

“Hey! I made that for me!” 

Jensen shrugs at him while grabbing his keys and walking out the door, “My house, my food, man!”

He laughs as he travels down the stairs and into the parking garage. There’s a Corvette Stingray parked in 3C and he smiles. He shakes his head, still finding it hard to believe he owns this fine piece of machinery. He bought it almost a month ago now, and he absolutely  _ loves it _ . It tops out at one-ninety-five and can easily hit sixty in three seconds. He chose a beautiful sleek black color and paid for everything in full. It is his baby. 

It takes him about twenty minutes to get to the stadium and the lot is already filling up with fans. Jensen pulls into Team Parking and sits for a minute with his hands gripping the wheel. Adrenaline already courses through his body as he mentally prepares for the game. It is a big one, the outcome determines whether they’ll play in the World Series. Not to mention the fact that his entire family decided to attend the game tonight. 

Because none of his family lives close by, it is rare that they come to his games, though his parents and siblings usually watch the televised broadcast. Back in high school, his mom and younger sister, Mackenzie, were there for every game, but now the allotted Ackles family seats are usually empty. He tells himself that he doesn’t care, that it’s no big deal if his mommy and daddy aren’t there to cheer him on, but in reality, it hurts like hell to watch the other players get congratulated after a win while he just gets to go back to his lonely apartment. 

It’s quiet in the locker room when the pitcher walks in. Each player performing their pre-game ritual to ensure a good game. Richie calls his wife, Diego and Santos pray, Jensen quietly recites a poem Mackenzie gave to him before his first game, Derrick carefully cleans his cleats while listening to jazz. Paul chews two sticks of mint gum and then places the sticky wad on the underside of the bench. Darrin and Mikey arm wrestle while Mark reads chapter three of Catcher in The Rye. Nobody comments on what the others do and everyone allows space for each teammate to finish their task. 

Now that he’s dressed in his uniform, Jensen sits down on the bench and slides his headphones on. He turns on his pre-game playlist and pulls out a piece of notebook paper with Mack’s childish handwriting. With each line he recites in his head, Jensen takes a deep cleansing breath. He still remembers the day she’d given it to him. Fifteen-year-old Jensen was a nervous wreck, sick to his stomach and sweating bullets before his very first baseball game. Mackenzie came into his room and gave him a card, wished him good luck. When he opened the card, a handwritten copy of a poem she found on the internet by some guy fell out. He read it and scoffed, made his little sister cry. Over the years though, Jensen learned to appreciate it. 

He carefully folds the faded piece of paper and tucks it back into his locker before grabbing his ball cap and glove. 

***

Josh clinks Jensen’s glass and smiles, “Cheers!” 

Jensen laughs and takes a drink of his well-deserved beer, “World Series, baby!” 

“I’ll admit, I’ve always found baseball to be a little boring but holy heck! That game tonight was amazing, Jay! You were incredible!” Josh loops an arm around his neck and pulls him into an awkward hug.

Diego comes up behind them and flips Jensen’s hat onto the table, “Way to go, Ace! We’re that much closer to victory, thanks to your beautiful--” he kisses the pitcher’s bicep, “muscled arm!” 

The omega snorts and gives the drunken man a wink, “Shouldn’t doubt the master!” Diego grins and claps him on the back before stumbling to the next table. 

The bar is filled with life tonight, a raucous of excited cheers and congratulations and Jensen lets it wash over him. They came out on top with a score of seven-four and the entire team is experiencing a contagious adrenaline high. When his brother asked to tag along for the celebratory bar hopping, Jensen was happy to have someone to hang with. The omega usually hangs with Paul and Richie but both of them headed out early, Paul with yet another skinny blonde and Richie home to his mate and kids. 

The brothers decide to call it a night around one-thirty and Jensen slings his arm around Josh to help him to the car. The older man definitely ingested more alcohol than Jensen. The omega didn’t want to risk his brother having to drive his new car so he cut himself off after his fourth beer. He didn’t feel drunk, just a little buzzed and extremely happy. 

“Alright, here we go. Whoops, watch your head!” The omega says too late. He giggles while his brother groans, “I told you to watch out, man.” 

“Ow! That hurt!” Josh pouts and rubs his head, messing up his hair and pushing it into his face so he can’t see. He fumbles with the seatbelt and huffs when the unruly mop gets in his way. Jensen leans over him and tries to take it from his hands. 

“Josh! Quit it! No! Give it back! Dammit, let go!” He fights his brother’s hands for control of the belt and finally gives in, “ _ FINE! _ You do it!” Josh offers a dopey self-satisfied smile and attempts to shove the buckle into the latch. Jensen walks around the car and gets in, buckling his seatbelt easily and sneering at his jealous brother. Once they are secure, Jensen pulls the Stingray out and heads for the exit of the parking lot. 

They are smack downtown, after a big game, and it’s the weekend so there are a ton of drivers on the road. Jensen is a bit dizzy but feels confident he can get them back to his place. About ten minutes into the drive, he checks on his brother… who is pouting? 

“What’s the matter with you?” 

Josh sighs heavily, “You said it was fast.  _ This  _ is not fast.  _ This _ feels like-- like grandma’s old Buick or some shit!” 

“I said it  _ can _ go fast. And it  _ can _ , but right now we’re in downtown LA in the middle of traffic, the hell do you expect?” 

The other man shrugs, “I guess I was just expecting to be…  _ impressed. _ ” 

His big brother is goading him, Jensen knows that. He shouldn’t let himself get sucked in, but they  _ did _ just win a spot in the World Series and he  _ is _ feeling pretty damn good right now. 

“Alright, Josh. You wanna go _ fast _ ? We’ll go fucking fast then!” The omega pushes his foot down on the accelerator and listens to his brother’s satisfied whoop as they speed through the streets. He maneuvers the car smoothly in and out of the lanes, reveling in the irate honking of other drivers. It feels good, makes the omega feel powerful. 

“C ‘mon, little brother, I wanna see just how fast this baby can go!” Josh shouts with a big grin. Jensen laughs and coaxes the pedal down another inch. The numbers on the speedometer climb from fifty-five to seventy and Jensen almost loses control when they turn around a sharp corner. 

Josh keeps a firm grasp on the dash and hollers out the window, “ _ MY BABY BROTHER’S GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!”  _

Jensen throws his head back and laughs just as the indicator passes ninety miles per hour. 

That’s when the sedan suddenly pulls out. 


	2. Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jensen wakes up, everything is not alright.

Jensen is choking. That is the thing that wakes him up. Something is in his throat and he wants it out. He tries to lift his hand and finds that he can’t.  _ What the hell happened?! Why can’t I move!  _

_ “Jensen? Can you hear me, baby? Oh my god-- Alan!” _

Someone is screaming near his ear, telling him it is alright and he wants to tell her to shut the fuck up because  _ No, everything is  _ not _ alright _ ! He is suffocating and she’s just standing there, yelling for some guy! The omega tries again to lift his arm, this time his right instead of his left.  _ FUCK! _ Pain lances through his shoulder and he wants to scream but he can’t… because that thing is  _ still in my FUCKING THROAT!  _

“Alan! I think he’s waking up!”  _ Again with her… _

“Mister Ackles, can you hear me? My name is Dr. Nadine Porter.”  _ Doctor? Who the fuck is Nadine? Where the hell am I?  _

“Alright, folks. He’s definitely showing signs of consciousness so we’re going to go ahead and remove the intubation tube. It’s going to look a little scary but he will be okay.” 

Jensen can hear someone moving around, the second lady,  _ Nadine? _ speaks to him but it is so fucking hard to focus. After three tries of trying to get his eyes open, he gives up, his eyelids feel  _ so heavy _ ... 

“Alright, Jensen, if you can hear me this is going to be uncomfortable. If you can, I need you to cough as hard as you can when I say so. Jensen?”  _ How the hell does she know my name? Wait, cough? What the-- _

Nadine grasps the tube leading out of her patient’s throat and winces in sympathy when he panics. Donna rushes over and grabs his hand, “Jensen, it’s okay, baby. Let them take it out. It’s okay, Jensen. It’s mom, I’m right here. Dad is too.” 

_ Mom…?  _ The tube is yanked and it feels like his entire throat is going to come out with it. _ MOTHERFUCKER!  _

Nadine and the nurse help Jensen sit up so he can gag over the blue sheet covering his chest. Tears fill Donna’s eyes as she watches her… son... struggle to wake. Her mate stays quiet, though he keeps one hand on Jensen’s ankle. 

After the nurses clean up and move out of the room, Dr. Porter fills the Ackles’ in on what will happen in the next few days. The omega will undergo several different tests and get new brain scans done to determine the extent of his brain injury. 

***

Jensen is exhausted. All he wants to do is sleep but people keep coming in and waking him up so they can poke him and prod him, ask him a million dumb questions. Their favorites are:  _ “Can you tell me your name?” “Do you know where you are?” “How old are you, Jensen?” “Can you tell me who these people are?”  _

“Jensen.” “Hospital.” “Twenty-four.” “No.”

The last answer seems to upset everyone the most. Even though the older couple sits in his room most days, he has no idea who they are. There is also a teenage girl who visits at least once a day and a group of men usually dressed in sweats or athletic gear that call him Ace. Though they introduce themselves hopefully, he doesn’t recognize any of them 

Two weeks after he wakes, Jensen is irritable and bitchy. He wants to go home, he doesn’t want to do any more fucking tests, and he is tired of seeing the disappointment in everyone’s eyes. He’s watching reruns of MASH when the girl, Mackenzie, comes in and settles on the ever-present chair next to his bed. She pulls Jensen’s tray in front of her and sets her books down, pulls out a piece of notebook paper. Jensen sighs heavily, she’s been trying to help him with his ‘vocabulary words’ for the last four days. Out of all the cognitive exercises the doctor prescribed, trying to recall the meanings of the words on the flashcards is his least favorite. It’s almost as bad as when they stretch his shoulder out. 

He crosses his arms over his chest and turns away from her, “Seriously, kid?  _ Again? _ I’m not getting any better. What’s the fucking point?” 

“Look, Jay. I get it. You’re --” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Sorry… _Jensen._ I get that you’re frustrated and tired of being here. But they won’t let you come--  _ go _ home until you show significant cognitive improvement.” 

She fiddles with the piece of paper, sliding it across the tray and then scratching her nails over it. When he continues to ignore her, she sighs. The chair scrapes back and then her hand gently touches on his arm. 

“ _ Don’t give up, okay? _ Just… keep fighting…  _ please _ .” 

He closes his eyes, so he doesn’t have to see her walk out and then rolls over so he faces away from the door. Gritting his teeth, he pretends that he didn’t hear her sniffle as she left. 

The next one to visit is the older woman, Donna. She is angry when she arrives and Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s learned over the past few weeks that she’s never afraid to speak her mind.  _ Great.  _

“You made her cry! She is just trying to help you, Jensen! We all are and you keep  _ pushing  _ us away…” 

Jensen raises his head and glares at her, “I never asked for your fucking help! Any of you! I don’t even  _ know you _ !” 

“Jensen. Enough. We’re your f--” 

He cuts her off, “ _ Don’t. _ Don’t say you’re my family. Don’t look at me with tears in your eyes and fucking  _ beg _ me to remember.” He grimaces and imitates her voice, “Because  _ you can trust us, Jensen. We’re your family, Jensen. _ Just. Stop.” 

She reaches out to him, “Jensen, honey, we love you. We care about you.  _ Me,  _ your _ Dad _ . Ma--” 

“ _ Get out. _ ” 

Tears shimmer in the woman’s eyes, “Jensen,  _ please…  _ don’t shut us out…  _ ” _

“GET OUT!” 

Donna clears her throat and steels her gaze, “Alright, Jensen. You win. But we  _ will  _ be back after dinner.” 

After Donna leaves, Jensen sits on the edge of the bed and scrubs his hand over his face.  _ I just wish I could fucking remember!  _ He punches the pillow and grits his teeth to handle the resulting pain in his bum shoulder. When one of the guys comes in a few moments later, Jensen almost tosses him out. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Can’t you people leave me alone?!” 

Paul chuckles used to his friend’s unpredictable mood swings. “ _ Well _ … Somebody’s in a mood today. Go ahead, Ackles, let your inner bitch out. I’m not scared of her.” Jensen huffs and looks at the tv that’s no longer showing MASH. 

The catcher sits and they watch a cliche cheesy Lifetime movie until Jensen’s eyes start to droop. Paul stands and gathers his coat after adjusting the pillow behind his friend’s head. He picks up a large red bag from the floor and brings it over to the omega, sets it in his lap. 

“Here, I thought you might want some of this. It’s from your locker.” 

Jensen’s eyes stayed closed, “Great.” Paul rolls his eyes and pushes something into his hand, a piece of paper. Jensen looks down and grimaces, “The fuck is this?” 

The other man smiles sadly, “You should read it. It used to be pretty damn important to you.” He pats Jensen’s uninjured shoulder and then walks out. 

Tired as the omega is, he is also intrigued. Why in the hell he would keep such a scroungy scrap? He unfolds it and starts reading. The words trigger a memory.

The teenage girl is there, though she’s younger in his memory. She’s excited, talking to a teen boy who’s sitting on the edge of a bed with his head in his hands. He looks up when she walks into the room.  _ You’re going to be great, Jay! And if you get scared you can look into the stands and find Mom and me.  _

His sister… Mack… In the memory, she hands him a blue envelope and sits next to him on the bed. 

_ Here, I found this and I thought it might help. Mom says you should read it before you play... if you get nervous.  _

“Shit... Mack... ” Jensen whispers aloud, a tear falling down his face. 

_ It’s a bummer that Dad and Josh can’t be there, but Mom and I will be cheering for you, Jay. Even if you lose.  _ He shoved her and rolled his eyes. She bit her lip and then lunged at him, encasing him in a tight hug. 

“ _ Aw, Mack _ … ” He wishes she would stroll into his room at this very minute so he could apologize to his little sister.  _ God, I’ve been such an ass!  _ He wants to see them all. Dad, Mom, Jos-- 

_ My brother… Josh… Oh, my god… the accident…  _

“JOSH!?” Jensen yells as loud as he can, desperate to see his big brother’s face. Because if Jensen is here and Josh hadn’t been to visit that must mean that he is also in the hospital somewhere. His strained yells urge a nurse to rush into his room and try to calm him. 

“Mr. Ackles, you need to return to your bed! You can’t get up!” 

“Fuck the bed!  _ Where _ is my brother?! Where’s Josh? JOSH?” 

“Mr. Ackles, you  _ need _ to  _ calm down _ .” 

The nurse isn’t providing the information he needs. If she won’t help him, he’ll find out himself! He doesn’t  _ want _ to calm down. He  _ wants _ to see his brother. Frustration washes over him and he fights the nurse. 

“ _ MOM!”  _

_ “DAD?! _ ” 

His parents rush into the room with Mackenzie hot on their heels. The three Ackles’ are still dressed in their winter coats, having just returned from dinner. Donna and Alan halt just inside the door, shocked by the scene before them. His sister tries to push past, but Alan shakes his head and holds her back. 

Donna slowly approaches her son’s side, “Jensen?” She takes a shaky breath and then continues, “Wha-- What happened?” Jensen isn’t sure if his mother is addressing him or the nurse. The woman pushes on his shoulders to force him back and he screams. Another nurse came in and holds his legs. A third enters the room. The omega spots the syringe in her hand and reacts instinctively. He smacks the one holding his legs off with his good arm and then growls at the original nurse who is  _ still _ trying to convince him to calm down. 

Mackenzie watches in horror as her brother attacks the nurses. She creeps closer to her father and Alan wraps an arm around her while keeping his eyes on Jensen. Donna is babbling frantically, yelling for someone to explain what happened to cause her son’s violent reaction. 

“ _ Get the FUCK off of me! Where’s JOSH! Why won’t you let me see my brother! _ ” Jensen pants angrily and snarls when one of the nurses attempts to touch him. Two more staff come running into the room and Jensen shoves the original nurse hard so he can leap off the bed. The frightened, confused,  _ threatened _ omega crouches low and dares them to approach. 

Tears are streaming down his mother’s face. “Jensen! Honey, stop! They just want to help--” Alan places his hand on his mate’s arm and slides past her, transferring Mackenzie into her arms. 

He approaches his son slowly, with his hands raised, “Jensen, do you know who I am?” 

Jensen’s forehead creases, “Yeah…  _ yes _ . I do.” Some of the tension leaves his stance. “What’s going on, dad? Why won’t they let me see Josh?!” The omega searches his father’s eyes and catches a glimpse of something he can’t quite place. 

Alan squats next to him and places his hand on Jensen’s left shoulder, “Jensen, son, what do you remember?” 

Images flashed in his head and he winced in pain, reaching for his dad. “Shit, dad. There’s too much.  _ Fuck _ . My head feels like it’s going to explode…” 

A feminine voice speaks up, “May I?” 

Jensen tenses under Alan’s hand. He looks up and sees his son’s neurologist. The beta nods and she kneels in front of Jensen. 

“Hi, Jensen. Having a rough day, huh?” 

He glares at her, “Is that a  _ fucking joke? _ ” 

Nadine ignores him and speaks over him, “You remembered some things?” 

“ _ Yeah. _ It’s all mixed up though. I can’t… figure out what goes together.” He looks away, ashamed. 

“That’s alright. It can happen with amnesia.” Nadine nods to the other staff and they filter out of the room. Alright, Jensen. I want you to take a nice deep breath, okay? Can you try that for me?” Her voice is steady and he wants to trust her, but… 

Jensen glances at his dad, a question in his eyes. Alan nods, “I’ll do it with you. Ready?” 

At the omega’s nod, the three of them breathe in deeply and then slowly exhale. Nadine has them repeat the exercise five times until Jensen’s grasp on his father loosens and the pain creases in his forehead aren’t as pronounced. She smiles softly and praises him. Somehow it helps him. 

“Very good, Jensen. Now comes the hard part.” She pauses and places her hand on his, “I know how much you hate questions--” he groans, “but I need to see how your memory is progressing. Would it be alright if your dad helps you back over to the bed?” 

He nods again and Alan carefully guides him over to his bed and helps him get situated. The girls approach cautiously and then Donna strokes his hair while Mackenzie holds his hand. Alan sits in the chair. 

The evaluation lasts for about forty-five minutes, after which he is sent up to CT and gets another brain scan. At this point, his muscles are protesting and he can barely stay awake. They return him to his room and the last thing the doctor tells him is: “Based on your scans, you will most likely be able to go home tomorrow.” 

Between the frantic chaos of his memory returning and the numerous medical tests, Jensen doesn’t think to ask about his brother again. 

In the morning, it is determined that Jensen may leave the hospital as long as he has someone to watch him over the next week in case his condition relapses. Donna and Alan announce that he will be staying with them until he is able to fully function on his own again. 

During the car ride home, Donna glances in the backseat, she doesn’t fight the tears that slid down her cheeks. Her children are both asleep, Mackenzie tucked into her brother’s side and Jensen’s left arm around her, his cheek rested on the top of her head. She has a flashback to a car trip they took when Jensen was still in grade school. They had cuddled together back then too before Josh convinced her middle child it was lame to be sweet to his sister. Grief bubbles up at the thought of her eldest child and she grabs her mate’s hand, “Alan… We have to tell him.” 

The beta sighs, “Donna, the doctor said we should wait until he remembers. If we tell him now the trauma may overwhelm him. It could cause a relapse and he could lose his entire memory...” 

“I can’t lie to him, Alan! He’s my baby…” She brings a hand to her mouth to stifle the quiet sobs. Alan lifts their joined hands and kisses the back of his mate’s hand. 

_ The speedometer hits ninety and Jensen tosses his head back, closes his eyes and hollers. When he opens them, it’s too late. The green sedan pulls out and he knows he can’t hit the brakes fast enough. Josh is still yelling about the game, oblivious to the danger in front of them.  _

_ Jensen grabs the wheel tightly in his hands and wrenches it hard to the left. They’re going too fast though and he loses control. At first, Josh thinks it’s all part of their game... like his little brother is showing off his sick donut skills. Jensen hears the moment his brother realizes what’s happening. His joyful cheer turns into a scream of terror as they jump the curb of the median.  _

_ Passersby watch as the young driver fights for control over the sleek machine but it bounces off of a tree, fueled by the momentum of a 6.2L V8 engine that was built for speed. Jensen watches the tree trunk move towards him and curses right before it smashes his window. He hopes that’s it, that maybe  _ now _ they will finally come to a stop. In the passenger seat, Josh is panting, has a death grip on the door handle as the car violently swings back onto the road.  _

_ Lights blind him. “SHIT!”  _

_ The other drivers honk as they swerve to miss the idiot going the wrong way. It only takes a split second. He glances to his right. Takes his eyes off the road for a split second… The last thing he sees is the heart-wrenching terror on his big brother’s face as they ram into the truck.  _

Jensen wakes from the dream, gasping, covered in sweat... and this time, he doesn’t forget. Sick realization washes over him and the omega fights desperately for air. Mackenzie, who has taken to napping with him recently, shoots up, figuring it’s another one of his nightmares. But as soon as she sees his face, she can tell this is something else. 

“Jay, what is it! What’s wrong?” She grabs her brother’s upper arms and leans down to peer into his green eyes. He’s horrified, she realizes. 

The omega’s hands tangle in his hair as he remembers.  _ The drinking. The celebration. The crash. The frozen look on Josh’s face right before they collided with the delivery driver. _

Mackenzie wants to get their parents. _They’ll know what to do._ _How to help Jay…_ But her brother has a tight grip on her shirt. When his eyes widen and he starts frantically gasping for air, she panics and screams, “_MOM! DAD!_” 

The door slams the wall as their parents run in. After flipping on the light, Alan moves straight for the hyperventilating omega while Donna hurries over to Mackenzie. The young girl is still pinned in place, held by her brother’s desperate grasp.

“_JENSEN!_ Listen to me! Hey! _Hey!_ _It’s Dad_! Listen to me, son, you _have_ to breathe!” Alan pushes his hand between Jensen’s locked fingers and the fabric of Mackenzie’s shirt. Once she’s freed, Mack scrambles off the bed and into her mother’s waiting arms. She and Donna sink to the floor as they watch Alan try to reach Jensen. 

After a few moments of failing to gain the omega’s attention, the older man takes a calculated risk and climbs on the bed directly behind his son. He places his legs on either side of the panicked omega and then wraps his arms around him. It takes a little while but finally, the young man responds and sinks back against his father’s chest. Alan leans down by his ear and shushes his son as he sobs uncontrollably. Mackenzie watches in horror and then turns her face into her mother’s chest when she can no longer bear to see her brother in pain. 

The crying falters as Jensen starts to mumble, “ _ I did this… It’s my fault… Josh is g-gone and it’s my fault,” _ his voice rises in volume and becomes clearer as he continues, “I did this. What the  _ hell _ was I thinking?! I shouldn’t have been driving! Oh god... I looked away… I looked away and they pulled out and I didn’t  _ see them _ and now he’s dead.  _ Josh is dead!  _ My brother is  _ DEAD _ … and  _ I  _ killed hi--” 

Jensen fights his father’s hold until the older man lets go. The omega leans over the edge of the bed and vomits, sickened by what he’s done. Alan holds him steady, until all that comes up is bile, and then guides his son back to lie against the pillows. Jensen immediately turns away from his family, he can’t stand to see them there, feeling bad for him when  _ Jo-- _ . _ How can they even look at me? Knowing what I did… _

Instead, the distraught omega curls into a ball, shutting himself off from his family and their misplaced worry. 

_ I don’t deserve their forgiveness… _

_ Don’t they realize it should have been me? I should have died, not Josh. They could go on without me. How the hell am I supposed to live knowing this is my fault… _

_ I killed my brother.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, as I am not a baseball aficionado, I got most of my lingo and information from Wikipedia and the MLB website. If you notice any glaring errors, please let me know. According to what I read, Jensen would be a starting pitcher. 
> 
> Here is the link to the poem Mackenzie gave to Jensen, it's by someone named Jacob McNeil and I found it on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/385057836867835185/?lp=true


End file.
